It starts out as a feeling, vague perhaps, but still unsettling. Over time, that feeling can grow into full-blown suspicion and unhappiness. You see signs: odd behaviors, furtive phone calls, late nights at work. But is it true? Could your partner really be cheating on you?
One way to try to find out for sure is to do a little investigating. See if that unknown phone number you keep seeing pop up belongs to someone questionable. Hire a private investigator to follow your partner around for a while.
You could, hopefully, find out that your cheating suspicions are unfounded. But then there is still the issue of why you would worry about such awful behavior from the very person you are supposed to trust the most.
There is probably a very good reason for why you are concerned about cheating. But that reason might not actually have anything to do with your partner.
You’ve Been Betrayed Before
Being cheated on can be a particularly traumatic experience. If you were in a previous relationship where that happened, getting over what is essentially an emotional punch in the face can be quite difficult. And that trauma may very well color any relationships to follow.
You’ve been burned by someone you loved and trusted. It hurt, badly. How can you ever trust anyone like that again?
Or maybe you were scarred by an older betrayal. It doesn’t have to be cheating, per se. But say a parent abandoned you when you were a child. A best friend rejected you. These are emotional traumas that, while not directly related to cheating, can lead to a general feeling of mistrust in all future relationships.
You Cheated
If you’ve cheated before, you know the pull as well as the pain it can cause. Understanding how it happens can result in you then projecting the same motivations you’ve had and actions you’ve taken on your partner.
For example, perhaps you used to get secret texts from your lover. It then makes sense to you that text messages your current partner gets must also be due to an illicit relationship. Or you used to say you were working late, but really went off to have a tryst. Therefore, your significant other must be doing exactly the same thing when they say they are working late.
Your cheating experience basically informs everything in your current relationship. You can’t wrap your mind around the possibility that your partner could be innocent.
You Have Low Self-Esteem
Perhaps you just don’t feel worthy of being loved. You just can’t believe that you could be enough for someone or could make them feel completely happy. Of course they are cheating on you.
This sense of low self-esteem may derive from a previous betrayal. Or it could simply be the result of a whole lot of other little things throughout your life that led to a general lack of self-worth. You don’t feel confident or good about yourself. You don’t love yourself. So how could a partner?
How to Stop Worrying About Cheating
If any of the above situations are true, the emotional challenges they present can be difficult to overcome. But certainly not impossible. In order to have a happy, healthy, trust-based relationship, try the following:
- Be honest with yourself about your feelings. If you find yourself constantly thinking and worrying about your partner cheating on you, acknowledge that doing so is not good for you. Try some self-reflection and try to determine if your current suspicions are well-founded or based on past experiences.
- Talk to your partner about it. As always, communication is the most important element of any relationship. Be honest with your partner about your concerns. Don’t be afraid to be vulnerable or express your insecurities. Doing so can lead to an even stronger partnership.
- Consider counseling. Understanding that your cheating fears may be unfounded is all well and good. But that doesn’t necessarily give you the tools you need to attain genuine trust and confidence. Try seeing a counselor on your own and/or a couple’s therapist to work on things together.
- Accept a certain lack of control. Ultimately, you cannot control whether or not someone cheats on you. Worrying about it all the time certainly doesn’t help, either. All you can really do is trust in your partner and the strength of your relationship.
All in all, worries about cheating are no good for anyone. Taking the time to analyze and understand your fears is a great first step toward quashing those worries once and for all.
For more tips and advice on relationship issues, be sure to read the PeopleFinders Blog.
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