How to Find (and Reignite) an Old Flame

 reconnecting with an old flame

Many people fall out of touch with old flames. Maybe that flame fizzled out. Or perhaps you had to go your separate ways for other reasons. Whatever the cause, that relationship may be something you continue to think about long after you’ve officially broken up.

Whether it’s been just a few years or a decade, reconnecting with an old flame could end in happiness for you both. At the very least, it can tie up some loose ends and provide you closure. Or, if nothing else, you may even become strong friends in the future.

If you’ve fallen out of touch entirely, then becoming friends again may be the easy part. The harder part could actually be locating the person in the first place. Try these three strategies to reconnect with an ex and see about reviving that connection:

1. Use Social Media

With the advent of social media, it’s easier than ever to connect with people. That includes people you’ve previously fallen out of contact with. Most people have a social media account on at least one platform. And plenty of people have accounts loaded with enough information to make sure that it’s really them. Platforms such as Facebook–which allow you to search over two billion people who are active every month–can be invaluable when it comes to tracking down people with whom you’ve lost contact.

When it comes to social media, you don’t have to search merely using names. Try thinking creatively. If you went to school with this person, check the school’s Facebook page. Then, browse the people who’ve listed it as their school.

Especially on Facebook, the person may also use a nickname. If your lost friend didn’t use a nickname when you were together but has a name that’s easily shortened, try using that name. You never know, he or she may have decided to switch things up a bit.

2. Check Through Old Friends

You may retain a few friends throughout your lifetime. In that case, if you fell out of touch with an old flame, that doesn’t necessarily mean you’ve moved away from all the friends you had in mutual circles.

Get in touch with the people who used to know both of you. Then, see if you can create a trail that leads back to the person you’re trying to find. If it helps, you can even sketch that plan out first. Consider the theory of six degrees of separation, and dig back into your old records and yearbooks to find as many people as possible that could still maintain a connection.

A great thing about this approach is that you can rekindle some platonic friendships while trying to build a bridge back to a romantic relationship. When you get back in contact with mutual friends, you may rediscover how much you loved chatting with some of them. Whatever happens with your lost love, re-expanding your circle of friends makes the journey worth it.

Although it’s definitely possible to expand your circle using old-fashioned methods, the internet has made things much easier. You don’t have to go through all the trouble of calling around or looking through old yearbooks. If social media and mutual friends options fizzle out, an online people search could be your best option.

A people search could help you to find anyone, including old friends, family members and, yes, past romantic partners. You can perform a people search by entering someone’s first name, last name, city, and state. Starting with just that info, you may get results that include a person’s current address and contact information.

Or, if you happen to have an old phone number, plug it into a reverse phone lookup. Even an old phone number could still be related to the person you know. And then, in turn, you may find that person’s current info.

If you do find the person you’re looking for, take one more step as a precaution before reaching out. Perform a public records background check to try and make sure that he or she hasn’t run afoul of the law or had any other criminal issues while you’ve been apart. Taking that last step could help you to both rediscover and renew a relationship with confidence.


Finding someone you used to date can be rewarding for all parties involved. After all, it’s nice to reminisce about old times. And if you do happen to get back together, you can use your life experiences to make this second chance even better than before

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